This article is a guide, an aid to those parents who are experiencing a situation of high conflict with teenage children, high conflict that occurs in some situations characteristics: lack of respect, non-compliance (late home, leave the house even when they have been forbidden to do so, missing school), and in severe cases, verbal or physical aggression (insults, threats, shoving, broken furniture, etc.). No doubt we will not consider himself to a teenager who assaults another, for various reasons, violates certain rules (for example, sometimes come home late.)
Let's start by making a division, important for practical purposes, among adolescents under 14 years over 14 years, we split because the former have no criminal liability and second if, major division when having to report cases of verbal or physical.
Let's see what we can do as parents to some conflict situations:
- In case of leakage, it is very important to see, as before, to notify l to leak (not a complaint) to the police or Civil Guard barracks near you. It is not necessary have passed a minimum of hours of escape or disappearance. It is advisable to take a photograph of the child. I insist that this is a notice and not a complaint (not a crime to escape).
- If verbal or physical aggression, although most parents tend to ask me flatly reject the report to your child is highly recommended (when the situation and "we have gotten out of hand "and as long as the child has more than 14 years) since the attacks involve a high degree of conflict and because it is necessary that the adolescent know that their actions have consequences. The recurring question of the parents before the proposal is: What impact will the complaint? It is difficult to answer because the decision will be made by a judge but I can say that the decision will always bear the task of household work to address the conflict (usually with the derivation social services).
In situations where a / a teenager is very aggressive, anxiety attacks and is very difficult to control, it will be necessary to call an ambulance (so they can reassure you) as well as police for they can control and mediate the conflict. Never
, and remarked, we put ourselves in the same plane as the teenager and shout, insulted, or, much less attack them. The solution, as we shall see, goes through other ways.
If physical attacks will be convenient to go to the health center or hospital closer to a part of this injury and make the complaint.
· If classes Repeated absence: here it is a new division of adolescents. Those under 16 who are within the compulsory school age and those over 16 who do not fall under this obligation.
As a general rule I would say that the job runs through the search for support with school (tutor, mentor / a school) with which you must agree guidelines to modify this behavior, encourage the return to classes.
But do not think that in all these situations lose sight of the causes that underlie these problems? And that's very important that we ask.
Why run? What led to this? Why differences have not solved the problems, otherwise? Why
assaults? Why not use other resources? Are there other problems that may explain the aggressiveness (eg drugs)? Has been in the family history of abuse (violence) that can explain the adolescent's behavior? Why
refuses to go to school / college? Is there a problem at school that justify this behavior? (Eg bullying).
will be important to us other questions, and more generally, in addressing these issues: Since when occur, or is the first time?, what measures we have taken the parents to these behaviors? mother and father are involved or these problems fall on only one of the members of the parental couple? What we have sought assistance (social services, child protection, law tutors in Madrid, school officials, etc.)?
All these questions will give us more data on the dynamics of the problem at hand.
No doubt at this point many parents have thought that the recommendations are fine but they have already tried everything that your child does not change, the only option is looming, or send your child to a boarding or ask someone to take care of your child. And they are right, these conflicts are not solved from one day to another, not solved carrying out some tips for days, as if by magic. And this situation is stressful, no doubt.
I like to tell parents that have chosen to be parents of our children not only when they were young, obedient, charming. We are parents for life and adolescence our participation, commitment, responsibility, are of vital importance. And the fact Had they been educated, to disclose certain values, affects, if any effort will watch (though now it seems) that our children responsible, valuable. Just as we were taught to be parents (there is no manual for it) when they were 1,2,6 years, also taught us to deal with our teenage children, and is a stage of life of people difficult, for them and for us parents, it includes major changes to surprise and which will need to adapt. And not worth the threat of punishment or face our anger to make them obey us or corrected, and now we question our place as educators, they doubt our position as "geeks", have more resources to let us know that we are too persistent in our orders begin to have their own preferences, tastes, relationships (which rarely coincide with ours in many cases). It is necessary, therefore, open new channels of communication, find new ways to make us listen (and listen) and to teach them.
For our part we must be mindful that at some point need professional help. A psychologist, counselor / a school can be very important.
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